Cribs.

When the girls first arrived home, we had two borrowed co-sleepers set up on either side of the bed. Honestly, after the second night of waking up every two seconds to put a pacifier back in or feed a baby, we gave up and into the bed they came. Not that we were admitting that to anyone- the co-sleepers stayed where they were, nevermind that they were filled with baby supplies and dirty clothes, just in case anyone questioned us. You read so many cautionary tales about SIDS and co-sleeping that I felt guiltyguiltydirtyguilty for cosleeping, but it just felt so right.

Until a few weeks ago. Two 1-month old babies is one thing, two 5 1/2 month olds is another. Those girls are like an additional adult right in the middle of our in our queen-size bed. An adult who sprawls out in all directions and cries when her paci falls out. I still can't walk due to pain in my hips from sleeping only on my right side at the edge of the mattress to give them room (well, that & the lack of exercise lately, but Spring is coming and SAD can just get the f* outta here). I love snuggling with those girls, but I just can't see getting a king-size mattress to continue doing so.

We started by putting them down in their cribs for naps. Now we're working on a whole bedtime routine- bath (every couple of days, a bath every night seems excessive when they're not doing much), classical music, stories (right now I Live In Music and Goodnight Moon), sleep sack, bottle, cradling, crib.

The first few days, we did the first half of the night in cribs and once they woke up for the next bottle, they came to bed with us. The last 2 nights it's been crib, feeding, then back to crib and wow! How nice to have a whole quiet evening & the whole bed to ourselves. I miss snuggling with them, but I also like snuggling with Zazie, who I feel like I haven't seen in a year (what with the pregnancy and then life with twins).

On a side note, I'd been trying to keep this baby-related, but I don't know, maybe I should start adding other stuff. I might even post more often if I post whatever. My old blog, zeebah.tronic, is now defunct (I'd done it since 2002!) - I've even cancelled my host account.

Five months already?

Eleanor (l.), Ruby (r.)

My sweet girls are five months old. They both roll over. They love to stand up with help. They can both roll over, back-to-front and front-to-back. They've recently started to turn their heads to look at us when we talk to them. I find it hard to leave for work in the morning- I get too caught up kissing their faces and hands and watching their sweet smiles.

Let's take a poll.

It seems that most of the non-bio moms I can think of (myself included) are "Mama." How does that happen? And why?

Zazie and I decided that we would choose what we'd be called and I got first dibs. I chose Mama partially because it seemed more Southern (a girl has to do something up here in this Yankee wilderness, I suppose), despite calling my own mother "Mommy" growing up.

Now I sometimes slip & call myself Mommy because that's the word I naturally associate with the idea of mother. How awkward that I don't even know my own name! In retrospect I have to wonder, did I choose Mama because I was insecure about my role in our family? Now that they have been here five whole months, I feel much more certain of my place. My girls are definitely my daughters and I feel it in my bones.

What do you call yourself?

Front to Back, Yo

The girls can turn themselves over front to back now! Ruby first did it a few weeks ago, but she's been pretty off-and-on about doing it again. Ellie didn't turn over until last week, but last night when I turned her over for tummy time, she immediately turned over. I flipped her again, she turned over, flipped her, she turned over. Holy cow!

Today's A Day.

I feel like we're never, ever going to catch up. We have so many things that we are supposed to be doing and we can't seem to find the time for any of them.

Zazie went back to work the week of Christmas. We knew when she went back that it wouldn't be for long, only long enough to have it seem legit that she's discovered that being back at work was "too much" -- not that having maternity leave covered and then quitting to stay home was always our plan. In an ideal world, Zazie could work from home part-time, but this particular company wasn't ok with that. Full-time childcare for two kids, in home or out, is a financial impossibility for us. Going down to one income seems pretty frickin' impossible too but we'd rather do that than scrimp and save so someone else can take care of our children.

She went back to work, I stayed home with the ladies during Christmas and New Year weeks, then my mom came from Texas to take over day time childcare for two weeks. Tomorrow is Zazie's last day of work. We are excited for her to be home, but fearing for our finances. Buckling down is a must... we have always played fast and loose with our financial planning but those days have to go.

Between the bottle washing, and the milk-making, and the bottle filling, and the dinner making and the dish washing and the laundry doing and the BABY LOVING, it's hard to find time to do all the other necessary tasks like finishing the second-parent adoption paperwork, submitting our FSA paperwork so we can get reimbursed for all our medical fees, creating a new budget for our new finances, sending out the thank you notes for the baby shower our friends threw for us IN AUGUST.

Lordy. At least the girls are cute and sweet and growing so fast! Ruby rolled over the other day- we didn't see it, but my mom did. And both of them are pulling themselves forward on their playmat. I took a very sweet picture of them sleeping side-by-side, Ruby has her arm tucked into El's... of COURSE I intended to upload pictures today, but sleep deprivation makes it difficult to get out of bed, and thus I ran out of time before I had to leave for work. Tomorrow!

What do you do?

The day we found out we were pregnant, we were snorkeling in Belize. A family in our snorkel group had nine year-old twin boys. Zazie, of course, had a feeling from the moment the test turned positive that morning (on earliest day the test could work, by the way) that we were having twins. These were the first people we told about our pregnancy.

We had a long conversation with them that day. They told us that they didn't tell their boys who'd been born first. In fact, their boys had gotten in a discussion with one of their friends at school. This kid said: "You can't have been born at the exact same time. That's impossible." To which the boys replied, "How do you know? You're not a twin!"

We thought that was a pretty cool idea. We've learned from Zazie's sisters (who are also fraternal twins) that sometimes birth order can become pecking order. Despite being only minutes apart, one twin became the de facto "oldest."

After talking with our new Belize friends, we decided they had it right. We weren't going to tell anyone who'd been born first. We know, but no one else will.

It's been really hard, though. Who knew? People act a little insulted when they ask who was born first and we won't tell them. Zazie & I are people-pleasers and it's difficult to tell people no. We just say "We're not telling anyone."

Is there a better way to say it?

They are nearly three months old!

These girls turn three months old on Sunday. (We are counting weeks instead of going by the calendar date. Does that sound right?)

This morning, I got them ready for the day and they were both smiling at me... those smiles are delicious. It's getting easier and easier to make them smile. This morning, Ruby was enjoying my kissing noises, while Ellie thought my chucking her cheeks was fantastic.

Zazie takes them to the pediatrician for their vaccinations this morning. We're doing a spread-out schedule, which I know is controversial, but they'll get them all, just not all at once. The doctor's fine with it and we feel more comfortable. I am waiting for the call that they did ok.

It is so hard to leave them in the morning and I rush home from work every night to see them again. Last night, Aunt B. was holding Ruby and Ruby started to cry and cry and cry. I can't say I wasn't pleased to have her stop crying immediately the second I started to hold her.

My sweet girls make my heart fill to bursting.