Wow.

Three years, five kids. These kids' moms are some of our best and oldest friends here in NYC.

Ruby and Ellie are in the middle, obviously. This is right as Ellie started to FLIP OUT(!!) because L. (green stripe) was leaning back on her arm.

Cuties.

Well. Hmm.

Where is the Miss Manners for Families-who've-Conceived-with-Open-Donors-and-Now-Have-Contact-With-Half-Sibs'-Families? This is all such new territory and there is so much potential for drama.

So far:
-One woman in the group apparently contacted the donor and met him IRL not too long ago. This woman then posted a picture with her kid and donor on her F.B page, but refused to share the story with someone who asked about it because the meeting was "private between her kid, her and the donor". When Zazie friended her on F.B, this mom told Zazie in no certain terms that she didn't want any questions asked about her "relationship" with the donor, though Z had asked her nothing.
-Another woman is heartbroken that the above woman "broke the rules" and met the donor.
-One woman's (same-sex) partner is absolutely against her co-mom having anything to do with our group, but has acquiesced to the G.Group so co-mom can get info on the other kids. This co-mom has initiated FB 'friendships' but hides most of her personal info from us.
- Zazie and another mom have become fast friends and have started IM'ing each other nearly every night. Zazie and I have had other very nice IMs with a couple other moms.

Zazie suggested a "get-together" sometime next year for everyone and the group, normally quiet, has EXPLODED with emails.

Some said they wouldn't be joining in the get-together at all, due to concerns about their childrens' privacy. I have been turning this over and over in my mind, trying to figure out the reasoning. These moms have initiated contact with the rest of us, but they're worried that somehow their kids won't want that contact when they get older & the kids will be upset that their parents shared details about them. Supposedly, they've joined the group to "leave the door open" for the kids to make the choice themselves later. In my mind, Ruby and Ellie are more likely to be pissed at us later if we were aware of a group of parents of half-sibs, but we refused to take part, and thus, deprived them of having a long relationship with their half-sibs. Our family is Mama, Mommy, Ruby & Ellie (and hopefully baby #3 in a few years). I don't see how having a friendly relationship with these other parents threatens our family unit. Can anyone explain to me? I'd ask the G.group folks, but I can't figure out a way to ask without putting these moms on the defensive.

Others are saying that they want to take part in the get-together, but only if we can refer to the kids as "friends" (not half-sibs). First, I don't see why these kids (the oldest is about 6 years old) would even ask how we all know each other. Couldn't you just say these are Mark, Sally, Bernice, etc.? Second, if Zazie and my policy is honesty with our girls, that means we tell them that these kids are their half-sibs. Why should I have to worry about my kid "outing" their relationship to another kid whose parents aren't going to tell them the truth?

Opinions? Guidance? This is such a weird situation. We're dealing with total strangers whose kids have an intimate connection to our kids. Brave new world!

And That's One of the Things I Hate.

Oh, New York. Everyone is real estate- and neighborhood-obsessed. Unfortunately, you are forced to become that way as you get chased from neighborhood to neighborhood in search of an affordable place to live (and, most likely, you are displacing someone who has even less money than you do, but that's another story).

A nearby nabe used to be known as the heart of lesbian NYC. That is, until it got nice and then expensive. Then most of the lesbians left for greener (ie cheaper) pastures.

On the neighborhood queer listserv, someone asked where all the gays go when they can't afford P-Slop. Lots of folks chimed in about the neighborhoods they've moved to... "we like it, more space, decent schools, blahblahblah..." After lots of discussion about other neighborhoods, a woman wrote in to say, "...can't help but continue to feel slightly abandoned! now that we could finally afford to move back to the slope, sounds like the mass exodus continues. this has been our experience with many queer friends too . anybody left out there?"

Ugh. Seriously. Cry me a river and then shut your mouth. In a discussion where people are saying they can't afford the "good" neighborhood, you're boohooing about how you CAN afford it? Really?

Long time, no update

Our trip to Texas last week was great. Dallas, Austin, Houston in 10 days. We saw my family and Zazie's family. We saw the Fort Worth Water Gardens, drove around Austin (that was mainly what we did there- those damn baby naps get in the way of intensive touristing), went to the Houston Zoo and the Houston Contemporary Arts Museum. The girls swam for the first time!

Ruby has been intermittently crawling since the trip. Ellie learned a new trick too. You know when you say "Ahhhh" and put your hand up to your mouth and it sounds like "Awh Awh Awh"? (Does that make any sense?) It's super cute because she does it with the back of her hand.

Now, when Ruby wakes up in the middle of the night (last night, it happened several times), we'll go to her crib and she'll be sitting up with her eyes closed, crying. It's the most pathetic thing. Is that just what babies who've learned to sit up well do? I usually will lay her back down, but it seems mean to make her do that.

We also had our first "What the...?" in the middle of the night. Ruby was screaming (pretty sure those top teeth are coming in), I went in, laid her back down and tried to put her pacifier in her mouth. She batted the paci away, so I got her a bottle (middle of the night feeding.. yes, that's probably wrong somehow). When I took her out of her crib, the middle of her back was wet. The diaper had leaked, but it wasn't even that full, really. Super weird.

Too busy running my mouth.

Look at these ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING children of ours! This was taken last weekend at their first trip to the zoo. They were sitting in a big duck egg sculpture. The pollen is so bad here that the dandelion puffs were falling like rain! Seriously.

I've been so busy running my mouth about other stuff that I didn't mention that Ruby has TWO teeth and El has another on the way. Also, I swear they've been trying to kiss us lately ... they put their little open mouths right up to your cheek. I didn't truly believe that's what they were doing until the BabyCenter email told me so this morning. :)

The latest

Honestly, seeing pictures and video of all these kids is mind-blowing. There's a half-sib out in California that blew us away when we watched a video last night- her mannerisms are totally our Ruby!! And yet, she has the same cheeks as Ellie. Some of the half-sibs resemble one girl or the other, some don't resemble our girls at all.

Now we're talking about our kids food allergies. That's some pretty helpful stuff... having moms out there raising kids who share half your kids' genetic material and can possibly shed light on food or health issues. Most of the half-sibs are at least a year or two older and have a head start on eating solids, so their moms have a ton of info. How cool is that?

Donor's mom has been contributing to the listserv and responding to emails. Zazie asked if at some point, she might share some baby pictures with us... we do have a photo span to adulthood, but it doesn't start until the donor was around 3 or so. She responded that it was too painful right now, but that she would try to get something together soon. Zazie was quick to respond & let her know that she shouldn't worry about us right now, that she should do only as much as she was able to. The family was supportive of their son's decision, they knew about the kids, but I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be to get emails day after day with pictures of strangers' kids that look SO much like your son or the rest of your family.

Here's a question that we've been discussing with one of the other moms. There is an online condolence book for the donor available through the local newspaper. It will be coming down in one week. Do we download a copy of it for the girls to have later? Part of me wants them to have all information available to them, should they want it later. The other part of me thinks that what we have already, and what we'll have from his family in the future (hopefully), should be enough and that downloading a record of condolences from strangers to his family is unnecessary, morbid, and somehow intrusive.

Two Ton Death Machine

We were almost hit by a car while walking in our neighborhood. This is the second time something like this happened, though the first time, the driver actually grazed Lauren's hand with her drivers' side mirror (and would've hit her squarely if I hadn't yelled at Lauren to move). Our rule after the first time was, never assume a car is going to slow down for you or see you. Now our rule has to become: if there is a car anywhere near you, do not try to cross the street. This neighborhood is terrible for pedestrians- it's bad in NYC in general, but this is the worst I've ever experienced.

I lost it and started screaming at the driver. As she passed (with earphone dangling, by the way), I said something like "watch your f*cking car". She said something along the lines of "get out of the way," I said "I'm a f*cking pedestrian and I have the right of way." Her response was "Nice language to teach your f*cking kids." A few more words were exchanged (I can't remember exactly what). As we were walking away, I turned around & made a motion like I was blowing a kiss to her. She yelled after us something like, "look at those fat @sses, those f*cking tubs of lard." I couldn't help myself... I slapped my ass and yelled at her to "kiss it."

We, of course, were really shaken and angry when we got home. That driver was definitely in the wrong. She should've at least slowed down. She was a jerk, but she what she said about teaching our kids is sticking with me.

What will it teach them that I cursed out this stranger? I don't have a problem with the language I used... I curse often and though I'm trying to curb myself (a. I don't want the girls to do it and b. it isn't particularly creative), if there was ever an "appropriate" time to curse, that was it.

I guess if she'd shown some remorse, or it hadn't been the second time someone had nearly run over my family in nearly the same spot, maybe I wouldn't have gone to the lengths I did. I acted the way I did because I was scared and feeling powerless, but what good did expressing my anger do? I could've the crap out of the girls (Ruby, who I was holding, didn't seem phased), the woman could've had a knife (I don't know, it's possible), etc. Better to just say "Watch it" and keep walking, no matter what that b*tch said back to us?