Positive Parenting for Multiples

So I mentioned I was reading Unconditional Parenting last week. I'm still reading it, though I've slowed my pace a bit. I have 2 hours' commuting a day, which leaves plenty of time to read, but I have podcasts to catch up with (WTF with Marc Maron, Risk, This American Life, Planet Money... seriously, the list of things I feel I must listen to gets longer every week) and sometimes, reading falls by the wayside. I also worry that people will see what I'm reading and think I'm one of those silly, permissive parents that lets their kids get away with murder. "Unconditional"? Bougie yuppie... The ridiculous things that pop in to my head, I swear.

Reading Teacher Tom's post, I'm thinking about the girls, obviously. We are going through a snatching, pushing, mine! phase at our house. The bloggers/educators I've been reading seem to all say that you shouldn't necessarily intervene unless someone's being hurt. You narrate, you don't praise or scold. I think we are possibly a little more adept at this than we might be if we had a singleton... if we were to intervene every time, dang, we'd be intervening every two seconds.

Slightly related: Last night when I went home, I was confronted with a challenge to my attempt to do this positive parenting thing. Bathtime.... argh! The girls have taken to splashing, splashing, splashing. At first I tried the "do that again and you'll have to get out," but they don't really seem to care if I take them out of the tub AND they keep splashing the next time. It's my fault- when they were little, I encouraged the splashing. Now that they're bigger, their splashes are getting puddles on the floor and getting me all wet. This is especially annoying because I usually still have my work clothes on. So telling them to stop and then taking them out doesn't work. They just look you in the eye, laugh, and keep doing it. Then I tried not reacting at all- maybe no attention would get them to stop? That worked for a couple of baths and now we're back to splashing. We got them more bath toys- maybe they were bored? No, they just use the boats we got to dump more water on the floor! In weaker moments, I have yelled- completely ineffective and it makes me feel terrible. Last night, I tried pointing out the water on the floor- I told them it was dangerous and that I didn't like having to clean it up. Next attempt will be separate baths. I have been putting that one off because damn... After dinner, bath, and bedtime routine, Zazie and I still have to clean up and do the dishes and I'd like some evening to chill out. Two baths instead of one just adds to the drudgery time.

I think I need to fast-forward in my book to the part where they talk about ideas for how to put unconditional parenting into action... right now, I'm still in the section about how conditional parenting can affect kids. Problem is, most of these parenting books don't talk about what to do when you've got two kids at the exact developmental stage. It's a whole different ball of wax when it's two-on-one.

First Visit

We took the girls with us to the consultation. It went exactly as you might suspect a visit to the doctor with two 2 year olds might go. Yeah, that's right... the doctor and I talked while Zazie chased them around in a conference room. Kind of defeats the purpose of her coming with me... it's hard to ask questions or comment on anything when you can't hear the conversation!

I went back again yesterday for some blood work. It's just exactly the same, down to the weird, not-unpleasant smell of their freshly cleaned bathroom. Some of the procedures have changed (pay first, get your red paper and hand it to the nurse who comes to get you. They also take your picture now- I guess they must've had too many cases of insurance fraud).

At the same time, it feels much different. When we were trying (and trying...) for the girls, I went to every morning monitoring, every test, every consultation, for the most part. Now, that's just not possible because we don't have many people who are willing (or able) to watch the girls. I'm a little sad about doing everything by myself. Last time, morning monitorings led to lovely mornings wandering around the city. Now I'm by myself there and by myself back and I feel guilty wandering around because I should be home taking care of the girls since Zazie does it by herself all day when I'm at work!

I did walk from the doctor's office down to Times Square yesterday. It was so quiet. And so... surreal. Times Square is such a weird , not real New York place. There are so many chain stores and restaurants. Please, bloggers, if you are coming to New York and need someplace to eat, I will recommend a THOUSAND places to you... don't eat at Olive Garden! You can do that at home! Sorry, dropping stereotypical New Yorker crap now.

Oh, ya'll.

The appointment is at 1:30pm and I'm nearly jumping out of my skin right now. We couldn't get anyone to watch the girls, so they are going with us. I was so nervous about how bringing them with us might turn out (visions of loud toddlers pulling things down in the doctor's come to mind) that I was going to go by myself, but that thought just made me sad. So Zazie's picking me up from work and then we are headed to the doctor, girls in tow. If we strap them into their strollers, that should work, right??!

I am reading Unconditional Parenting right now. My parents were fine, they did what they could do, but there are things about my parenting inclinations that I'd like to change for the girls. Maybe it's where I'm at right now (two gorgeous girls, planning on another), but this book is really getting to me... it's giving me some pretty crazy insight into the way I was raised and how that might have affected the person I am today. I'm still in the here's what not to do section, I'm assuming that he's going to give great suggestions. I highly recommend, and I'm only 1/4 of the way into it!

Our little bag lady

El loves to walk around all day long with many things in her hand. This morning, it was two Halloween pumpkins (the kind for trick-or-treating), two felt purses, and a couple play silks. Yesterday, she walked around with a pair of pants and a sweater. Other days, she walks around with her play ice cream cones, or dinosaurs, or take your pick of toys, she's probably walked around with it.

Speaking of playsilks, did you know that you can dye them with kool@id? You can! Check out this awesome tutorial, complete with color recipes at Tried and True: Dyed Playsilks. I wish I'd seen this tutorial before I made the ones for the girls' birthday. Mind you, it probably wouldn't have helped, since I could only find red, orange and yellow in our neighborhood grocery. Whatevs. The pot was too small, so they're a little one-tone tye-dyed, but here's what they looked like. I felt pretty proud of myself.

Shoezen

El now refers to shoes or socks as shoezen or sockzen. Where did we get this German baby?, we wondered. Oh wait! We usually say let's put on your shoes and socks. Or socks and shoes. Socks and = sockzen! But how to explain Ru's new habit of "chow" for cow. Or "towel" for owl. (Towel! Whowho!) Or mice for rice OR ice. This morning, she looked out the window and started telling me "bird. iswalking. bird. isflying." I told her that the bird was called a pigeon and she said "Chicken! BockaBOCK!" Oh, seriously, the cute? It's too much.

Did it, Did it, Did it! Ack!

We've been on the "do we, don't we?" baby #3 merry-go-round for about a year now. I knew trying to convince myself I didn't want to give birth to a baby wouldn't work, but I started thinking about all the reasons things are already hard with two (financially and logistically) and why am I so special that I need a bio-babe when I already have two awesomely delicious kids. At the end of the day though, I feel like there's really no logic in the decision to have a baby or not. I want to have a baby, and if I don't, I know I'll regret it.

So I made the appointment with the fertility doctor today. We go in next month for our consultation. It'll be the same place we went for the girls with the same doctor. This time, we're going straight for IVF. With our donor not around, we need to conserve the vials we have and use them wisely. So many months of trying last time were so disheartening- plus who can do all those appointments for months with two small children!

I just really pray this works right away. Please please please. Since I decided I wanted to go for it, I've been seeing 11:11 often again, just like I did when we were trying to get pregnant with our girls. I believe this is a positive sign.

If you did IVF, did you do acupuncture too? At what point in the process did you start acupuncture treatments!

Happy birthday to two delicious girls!

Our girls turn two today! This picture was taken yesterday when Zazie took them for ice cream (it was strawberry, in case you're curious). We can't believe how lucky we are. Happy birthday, E and R.

I have so much catching up to do here, I just need to wrest the computer from Zazie's hands.