I've had it.

I have been mentally done with my job for several years now. I wanted to leave, but I knew that I needed to hang on here because of our health insurance, which covered  my IVF treatment (and Zazie's process for the older girls), save for co-pays. Now that H's here, I am ready. to. go. Like, yesterday.

For my field, NYC is a great place to be because there are so many firms large enough to have my kind of library. Problem is, you're living in NYC and all that entails.I have loved NYC for the 13 years we have been here, but now that we are staring down the barrel of pre-k and the financial reality of raising three children here, I am ready to leave.

But where?

I am applying to jobs here in the city, in the hopes that someone will pay me more than I make now. If they do, it is conceivable that we can begin to dig our way out of the deep, deep financial hole we find ourselves in and then move to Jersey or a better school district. Problem is that I have many years of experience but no supervising experience, so I don't qualify for a library of my own or they don't want to pay me enough.

I probably wouldn't get hired in Canada (no one needs an American librarian with my specialty). The middle's out (got a nibble on a Dallas job, but Zazie was SO opposed it wasn't even funny). Most of the south is out, except Atlanta because of proximity to family/friends but I'd have to take a major pay cut. West coast would be ok, but SF is just as f*cking expensive and LA is pretty darn expensive too. Seattle... we spent a weekend there for a wedding and there were too many dudes in kilts. Boston? I don't know... cold and those accents. DC might be good, but it's nearly as expensive as NY and all that traffic. So basically, unless I switch specialties or fields, it's NY/NJ and ugh. We will never make enough money, and it isn't like I have lofty, expensive goals for my life- you just can't ever make enough money here to have the normal standard of living people have elsewhere.

I just applied to a job in Portland. I think it would be perfect. I haven't ever been to Portland, but it looks gorgeous, cost of living is less, it's liberal... and this job would give me my own library. I applied last Thursday and haven't heard anything back yet. That's not unusual... the nibbles I've had so far have come a week or so after I first apply. Portland just seems so appealing and not too many jobs come up. I'm hoping because my job is fairly specialized that they'll be interested in me, despite the fact they'd probably need to pay something to relocate us.

In the meantime, I am jumping out of my skin at the possibility. I would be sad to leave our friends, but as a former military brat, I get excited about someplace new. Or if not that job, SOMETHING else better. Guh.