The day we found out we were pregnant, we were snorkeling in Belize. A family in our snorkel group had nine year-old twin boys. Zazie, of course, had a feeling from the moment the test turned positive that morning (on earliest day the test could work, by the way) that we were having twins. These were the first people we told about our pregnancy.
We had a long conversation with them that day. They told us that they didn't tell their boys who'd been born first. In fact, their boys had gotten in a discussion with one of their friends at school. This kid said: "You can't have been born at the exact same time. That's impossible." To which the boys replied, "How do you know? You're not a twin!"
We thought that was a pretty cool idea. We've learned from Zazie's sisters (who are also fraternal twins) that sometimes birth order can become pecking order. Despite being only minutes apart, one twin became the de facto "oldest."
After talking with our new Belize friends, we decided they had it right. We weren't going to tell anyone who'd been born first. We know, but no one else will.
It's been really hard, though. Who knew? People act a little insulted when they ask who was born first and we won't tell them. Zazie & I are people-pleasers and it's difficult to tell people no. We just say "We're not telling anyone."
Is there a better way to say it?