Monday, December 12, 2011
What happened the next day? The babies I already have got a stomach virus. They needed love and attention in between all the throwing up. Both of them refused any receptacle, so we were cleaning up all over the house. They even ran through all their crib sheets. Sunday, they felt better, we went to the playground,they took a long nap. Sunday night, though, we made the mistake of giving them too much dinner, and the puking began again. Oh, and my period started. I stayed home from work yesterday because Zazie got it too.
Today I'm in jury duty. What awesome! Though I have to say that being able to blog from the jury waiting area is a huge improvement over the last time I was here, when there was no wifi.
I'm feeling a little more positive about the IVF. I put it off for another cycle. I'm using the time to get acupuncture, take supplements (CoQ10, royal jelly, Wheatgrass/chlorella), cut out caffeine/ booze (seriously, what was I thinking not cutting these out?), do a detox diet. My thinking is that while I can't do anything about my amh number, I can certainly improve my fsh with diet and acupuncture and exercise. My fsh was not crazy high, just a couple points out of the normal range. I'm already feeling better with the changes and it's only been a few days. I may feel so good that I stick with it, no matter the IVF outcome.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
I'm not an optimist by nature. Those are really shitty odds, people. I'm only going to get one shot at this because we are doing this on a shoestring to start and after 1 cycle, my insurance will run out. I have to admit that this has really thrown me for a loop.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Love Invents Us has kindly published some prompts and thank g-d for that! I will definitely use some of them this month.
After our visit with the girls' aunt this week, I wanted to talk about all the weirdness and politics that goes on in our donor sibling group with our donors' family (our open donor from the sperm bank became a known donor after he died a while back), but I started writing that post and I'm getting all tangled up. Too many things to explain to do that easily, so I will save that for later!
So let's talk about toddler eating habits.
We have a girl who eats most anything (loves BROCK-y! olives! pickles! all the things toddlers don't normally like! ) and a girl who eats very few things. We are lucky that our girl who eats very few things mainly prefers plain and/or healthy things like tofu, but she still frustrates us daily. Regular foods both of them are: pasta, tofu, plain yogurt, peanut butter (on waffles/toast), black beans and rice, hot dogs (organic chicken, beef or turkey), bananas (and other fruit- they never refuse fruit!), waffles, eggs. Ru used to eat cheese, but she's stopped that too. They don't drink juice and they only have cake or cookies or other desserts on rare special occasions.
How do we get them to eat vegetables? I'd add veg to sauces if Ru would eat sauce on anything.
We are trying so hard to keep power struggles away from the table. We offer things, but we don't push. Instead, if Ru refuses to eat what's being served, we'll give her a serving of plain yogurt or beans or something else. But seriously, she LOOKS at food and decides she's not going to eat it. There's no "just taste it"... we don't even get to that point. As girls with food issues, we want to keep our kids from struggling- especially since they will most likely have weight problems with their genes, let's be honest. We don't want them to feel pressure because we don't want them to eat every bite of something just because someone offered it (unless they want to of course). But dang, sometimes you just want to force them to eat just a bite.
Anyone have tips? Or a cookbook you like?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Trick or treating was a success! I have a cute video too, but I will have to wait until later to show you... I can't figure out how to move it over from F.b.
El was a bear, Ru was a kitty. We tried to use eyeliner and lipstick to give them whiskers and noses, but they flipped out, so we gave up. Our neighborhood has its own little parade. We took the girls over. El was so busy looking around at people that she kept running into strollers, curbs, and other people. Ru instantly got into the swing of trick-or-treating, but it took El a bit to warm up. After a few houses, they were ready to climb the stairs to get their treats. We didn't get them to say "trick-or-treat" but they were saying please and thank you. Polite kids make me happy.
Zazie gave them each a piece of candy corn yesterday, so all day long they were asking for more "Corn!" (they didn't get any). El carried two candy bars around in her left hand while she trick-or-treated. They'd shift, she'd set her pumpkin and the chocolates on the sidewalk, readjust the chocolates in her hand and keep walking. Thank goodness they don't know from candy yet, but I think I have a candy hangover from all that I ate last night. I think all the sugar made me catch a cold.
Ruby has started saying "yes, ma'am!"- that's a little weird, because we're not a yes ma'am no ma'am house, but sometimes, I'll say yes ma'am in response to something. Maybe that's it?
Speaking of the opposite of polite, we went to the neighborhood Chinese place to get dinner on the way back. A pre-teen came in with his buddies and he was asking the guy behind the counter how much a chicken wing costs. Guy tells him 1 wing is a dollar. Kid says Will you give me 2 for $1.50? (Uh, yeah, kid, this guy's going to barter with you) Guy doesn't respond for a minute. Kid gets belligerent, saying something like "You know, it's Bloods' week and I'm gonna tell them to come pop you." Kid turns to his friends, who are both like, no man, they're not going to come all the way out here for Chinese food. Then he's saying stuff about s*ck my *ahem* to this guy. It was all I could do to not say "look, kid, my girls don't need to hear your foul mouth," but I held my tongue. Until the kid turns to me when we're walking out the door and says "did you hear him tell me to s*ck his *ahem*?" Well, that just flipped my old lady switch. I said,"I'm sure he did NOT tell you any such thing. And you need to not be so disrespectful to him." I'm not sure what the kid thought the outcome would be, but it was clear he was a little taken aback. Thank goodness that turned out well because it so easily could've gone the other way. Preteens are scary because they're unpredictable.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
tags in myself, now wouldn't I? Annoying. Well, now I know.
Also thanks to lovely K over at Role Playing, I finally know why I wasn't getting any comments. I mean, aside from the fact that I don't have many people reading. I think I've fixed the commenting problem. Oh, Bl.gger, you are a pain in the butt... it's a good thing you're free.
And speaking of K, she had the great idea to solve the girls' splashing, Mama steaming issue: clear shower curtain. Keep them behind it while they splash! I'll be picking up a clear shower curtain at Tar-jay next time I'm there.
In cute things, Ru came into the bathroom while I was blowdrying my hair. When I finished, she told me "good job, Mama." What a sweetie. Of course, that probably means I'm not doing the unconditional parenting thing right. Oh well, I'll take it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Problem is, I don't have anyone to do that with any more. The only people we know that still go out to get drinks still go out on the reg-uh-lah. They do things like go to movies and plays, go drinking, and they don't have kids. They make me feel boring, like maybe I should gloss over my completely mundane existence (which leaves me with, well, NOTHING to talk about unless they want to hear about my latest tv interests Warehouse.13, Downton Abbey, or Walking Dead). They're also not people who we know very well, so it isn't like I want to confide in them about how frustrating parenting can be, or how broke we are, or how isolated we feel. All my get a drink or come over for a drink buddies live elsewhere now. Sads.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Reading Teacher Tom's post, I'm thinking about the girls, obviously. We are going through a snatching, pushing, mine! phase at our house. The bloggers/educators I've been reading seem to all say that you shouldn't necessarily intervene unless someone's being hurt. You narrate, you don't praise or scold. I think we are possibly a little more adept at this than we might be if we had a singleton... if we were to intervene every time, dang, we'd be intervening every two seconds.
Slightly related: Last night when I went home, I was confronted with a challenge to my attempt to do this positive parenting thing. Bathtime.... argh! The girls have taken to splashing, splashing, splashing. At first I tried the "do that again and you'll have to get out," but they don't really seem to care if I take them out of the tub AND they keep splashing the next time. It's my fault- when they were little, I encouraged the splashing. Now that they're bigger, their splashes are getting puddles on the floor and getting me all wet. This is especially annoying because I usually still have my work clothes on. So telling them to stop and then taking them out doesn't work. They just look you in the eye, laugh, and keep doing it. Then I tried not reacting at all- maybe no attention would get them to stop? That worked for a couple of baths and now we're back to splashing. We got them more bath toys- maybe they were bored? No, they just use the boats we got to dump more water on the floor! In weaker moments, I have yelled- completely ineffective and it makes me feel terrible. Last night, I tried pointing out the water on the floor- I told them it was dangerous and that I didn't like having to clean it up. Next attempt will be separate baths. I have been putting that one off because damn... After dinner, bath, and bedtime routine, Zazie and I still have to clean up and do the dishes and I'd like some evening to chill out. Two baths instead of one just adds to the drudgery time.
I think I need to fast-forward in my book to the part where they talk about ideas for how to put unconditional parenting into action... right now, I'm still in the section about how conditional parenting can affect kids. Problem is, most of these parenting books don't talk about what to do when you've got two kids at the exact developmental stage. It's a whole different ball of wax when it's two-on-one.
Monday, October 24, 2011
I went back again yesterday for some blood work. It's just exactly the same, down to the weird, not-unpleasant smell of their freshly cleaned bathroom. Some of the procedures have changed (pay first, get your red paper and hand it to the nurse who comes to get you. They also take your picture now- I guess they must've had too many cases of insurance fraud).
At the same time, it feels much different. When we were trying (and trying...) for the girls, I went to every morning monitoring, every test, every consultation, for the most part. Now, that's just not possible because we don't have many people who are willing (or able) to watch the girls. I'm a little sad about doing everything by myself. Last time, morning monitorings led to lovely mornings wandering around the city. Now I'm by myself there and by myself back and I feel guilty wandering around because I should be home taking care of the girls since Zazie does it by herself all day when I'm at work!
I did walk from the doctor's office down to Times Square yesterday. It was so quiet. And so... surreal. Times Square is such a weird , not real New York place. There are so many chain stores and restaurants. Please, bloggers, if you are coming to New York and need someplace to eat, I will recommend a THOUSAND places to you... don't eat at Olive Garden! You can do that at home! Sorry, dropping stereotypical New Yorker crap now.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Unconditional Parenting right now. My parents were fine, they did what they could do, but there are things about my parenting inclinations that I'd like to change for the girls. Maybe it's where I'm at right now (two gorgeous girls, planning on another), but this book is really getting to me... it's giving me some pretty crazy insight into the way I was raised and how that might have affected the person I am today. I'm still in the here's what not to do section, I'm assuming that he's going to give great suggestions. I highly recommend, and I'm only 1/4 of the way into it!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Speaking of playsilks, did you know that you can dye them with kool@id? You can! Check out this awesome tutorial, complete with color recipes at Tried and True: Dyed Playsilks. I wish I'd seen this tutorial before I made the ones for the girls' birthday. Mind you, it probably wouldn't have helped, since I could only find red, orange and yellow in our neighborhood grocery. Whatevs. The pot was too small, so they're a little one-tone tye-dyed, but here's what they looked like. I felt pretty proud of myself.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
So I made the appointment with the fertility doctor today. We go in next month for our consultation. It'll be the same place we went for the girls with the same doctor. This time, we're going straight for IVF. With our donor not around, we need to conserve the vials we have and use them wisely. So many months of trying last time were so disheartening- plus who can do all those appointments for months with two small children!
I just really pray this works right away. Please please please. Since I decided I wanted to go for it, I've been seeing 11:11 often again, just like I did when we were trying to get pregnant with our girls. I believe this is a positive sign.
If you did IVF, did you do acupuncture too? At what point in the process did you start acupuncture treatments!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Our girls turn two today! This picture was taken yesterday when Zazie took them for ice cream (it was strawberry, in case you're curious). We can't believe how lucky we are. Happy birthday, E and R.
I have so much catching up to do here, I just need to wrest the computer from Zazie's hands.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I really can't stop thinking about where we want to live next. First, we decided we were moving to Atlanta. Then, it was the NJ suburbs of NYC. Last week, it was the NJ suburbs of Philly. Now it's Los Angeles. I look at real estate. I look at neighborhoods. I read City-Data. I check on schools. It gets pretty consuming and then I wonder why I'm even bothering... we don't plan to leave NYC for several years yet.
I do it because I'm tired of NYC and I'm ready to go. I'm ready to leave the crowds of people and the dirt and rudeness everywhere. I'm ready to leave our 1 1/2 bedroom masquerading as a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, combo living/dining room, no dishwasher, no washer/dryer. I'm tired of being so broke for no good reason. So many people we know are leaving the city... it makes me sad and frustrated that we have to stick it out here for a little while longer. Things are so hard and isolating here that I'm dreaming of somewhere better. I hope we can find it.
Friday, June 3, 2011
It is Friday. That means it's pretty slow at work and I'm looking for things to read. When I say "things to read," I'm talking about new posts on your blogs. Can you help a sister out? You've all put up new posts that are password-protected, so I can't read them. Don't make me beg and cry.
Which reminds me that we got a new Baby Faces book, and every time El gets to the "boo-hoo" page, she cries hysterically. And yet she still wants to read the book again? Go figure. And what is up with the babies of color being assigned to all the "negative" feelings (boo hoo, yucky, etc.)?
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
El has a serious thing for El.mo. What the heck? I always swore my kids would have nothing to do with him, but dammit, she loves him so much she asks for him by name. Most of the new Se.same is awful, but there are some skits? pieces? numbers? from when he first came on the scene that are good. The one with Adam S.andler and Elmo cracks us up (It's not about a dragon... who likes to kiss and tell-mo...)
The one that is possibly the biggest hit right now is this one with Paul Simon. Ru loves to dance and run around when she hears it. If Zazie and I start clapping and singing "Dance, dance, dance", both the girls start dancing. Ru even says it to herself randomly, but it kind of sounds like "dass, dass, dass" when she does it.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Those nights last week were pretty intense... I woke up in a panic and found myself out of bed pacing at least 3 or 4 times per night. I'd had either take-out or something commercially prepared that may have contained MSG and I wondered if there was a connection.
Well, I think there may have been. What do you think? MSG Side Effects. Now all I need to avoid is anything on this list... shouldn't be hard right? Hah.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
This is day 4 of a caffeine slowdown. I've been a major consumer of caffeine since I was a teenager. I'm now down to 1 cup a day, though cup is more a description of the container than the amount- the lines on the side of the coffee pot say I'm drinking more like 4 cups. :) The goal is to cut out entirely in preparation for the fall. I feel like I definitely noticed jitters after this morning's cup, so I may cut it out entirely very quickly instead of slowly tapering off like I'd planned.
Day 4 of no alcohol either. I'm not a big boozer, but I have been in the habit lately of at least 1 glass of wine a night. Aside from my creeping dependence issues, it makes me bloated, it makes me lethargic. And do I need another regular source of sugar in my diet? Though I might have to have a mimosa at brunch this weekend.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
We started with two days with my grandmother, which was a horror show. My grandmom is lovely and I enjoy her company, but, well, she's 83 and her house is absolutely not babyproofed. We turned her living room into our fortress, moved the furniture around, kept all the doors closed, put the knick-knacks away. We bought those Pea.pod travel beds for the girls just before the trip and they HATED them! Bedtime had them hysterical... they'd start to fall asleep, but the zipper on the top was so loud that zipping it would wake them up again. We were ECSTATIC to go to Zazie's sister KT's house. The girls had room to run around and a very patient dog to obsess over. Plus it was nice to hang out with all the sisters and husbands too.
And then...this happened:
The promised meetup with the girls' half-sibs and the donors family happened! We stayed with two of our favorite families for an entire week (the rest of the families came Thursday-Sunday). We first explored these connections because we wanted to foster them for our kids as they get older, but N & A and their 3 1/2 year old b/g twins, and A and her 2 1/2 year old daughter are friends. It was so nice to hang out with them and their kids this past week. Sweet kids, awesome parents, similar parenting styles.... everyone in our house was a joy. I just wish they all didn't live so far away. Of course, we enjoyed hanging out with the girls' grandmother and their aunts (donor's mom and sisters). The other families were nice to see too, though we probably won't go the extra mile to see any of them unless there's another big group meet up.
Our situation is so crazy unusual and I love it. The girls' aunt brought home videos featuring our donor and the rest of the family growing up. Their grandmother told us about growing up and told us lots of great stories about our donor. Toward the end of the weekend, we talked with their grandmother about trying to have another baby in the fall and she gave her blessing. We really weren't sure how she'd feel about it, though we were pretty sure her reaction would be positive- it's been a year since his death and there are still babies being conceived! She said that her son didn't get to be an organ donor, despite his wishes and her pleas at the hospital, because of the circumstances of his death (vehicular homicide), but she's happy that he will continue to help people.
We are sad to be away from our peeps, the sun, and the relaxation. We feel like we left NY with babies and came back with little kids! The girls seem to have gone through a developmental growth spurt. E. is almost caught up to R.'s number of words. Last night in the bathtub, I started to count to three... I said One.... and E. piped up with TWO! I even got her to say Three with coaxing. Seriously. Love my girls.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
On another note, Di.s.ney week with half-sibs is coming up! We're excited... we're sharing a house with two of our favorite families. We met one family (two moms, b/g 3 year old twins) in March and we Skype with them every few weeks... their girl even draws pictures for our girls. The other mom and daughter (who goes by Ruby too- there are 3, including ours) live out west, so we haven't met them yet, but we get along well with them on IM and F.b. Then there are a bunch of other families coming, but we like some of them less than others, so we're glad we're not sharing a house with them. Haha. That'll make 2 weeks in Florida total (we fly down a week early for Zazie's sis' graduation)... yay vacation!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Also, this: Grabbing our Way to Peace. I made the mistake of posting it on my F.b status yesterday. You should have read the outcry! My mother actually called me to beg me not to start trying to reason with the girls (Yes, serves me right, friending my mom). Honestly, unless you have experienced parenting two children exactly the same age, I'd rather not have your admonitions on this topic, thanks.
The girls are at the grab everything stage. One grabs something, the other cries, grabs it back, then that one drops it like she was never interested in the first place. We have been stepping in with "Ruby's playing with that", "give it back"- these are also the main "suggestions" I was given after posting this article (uh, duh, thanks for the obvious tips). However, now the girls are looking at us, expecting us to step in, which isn't how I want to continue- they should learn to negotiate and solve some stuff for themselves, no? So we're trying to dial down the intervention a little- it's hard to give them space when our living space is so small! :)
Mostly what I like in the article is the respect that is shown to the kids' perspective. I'm not really down with the level of negotiation that went on in the story that was told (our girls are 18 months like the kid in the story and that approach would be a waste of time), but I also like the idea of a kid being motivated to do the right thing on his own eventually because he wants to do the right thing, not because there are consequences or external forces that will make him do it if he doesn't (That was another suggestion from a family member- just tell them do it, and if you don't there are consequences).
I am trying to be a thoughtful parent. I want to have a good relationship with our girls. I don't have a good relationship with my parents and it kills me to think that I might end up in the same place with Ru and El, so I want to parent in a way that will foster a good relationship with them as they get older. I've been reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and finding some good insights.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Also, I dunno. Maybe writing all that stuff out yesterday worked the "what if we didn't have another kid" out of my system? And maybe I still want to have another kid? Jury's still out until September, I supposed.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I am honestly hesitant to attend for several reasons. You know that fat feeling? The one you get from eating and drinking the stress of fertility treatments/pregnancy, new family members, raising twins, sole breadwinner woes away? Except it's not just a fat feeling, I've really put on the pounds. The majority of my old clothes no longer fit, and the ones I do fit in I feel self-conciously porky in. I could go buy new clothes, but jeezy pete, the dress standard is so freakin' high- the people we know who will attend are some styley mofos. These are the girls we were je.erleaders with, the ones we dressed to the nines with and for. And it's in the neighborhood synonymous with "h.i.pster" BK style and the bride is a fashion designer. And we don't go out anymore and I have nothing interesting to talk about, unless you want to talk about the girls, Doctor.W.ho, or my latest dentist appointment. Oh, and I'm feeling really fecking old and tired these days.
But it'll be my birthday, and it's a party to celebrate really nice people, and maybe we'll go have brunch at one of our old haunts.
I just don't know. I guess I have a month to think about it. I'll definitely need to go shopping (and possibly starve myself. Joke! I'm not down with deprivation.)
Friday, January 21, 2011
In other news, we're combining our visit to dear friends with a side trip to meet up with one of our fave donor sib families! So excited!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Ruby loves shoes. The sight of one makes her say "shoe!" She also says "shoe" if she sees a sock. Right part of the body, so points for that.
Ellie has been doing a funny thing where she'll run leaning forward, arms behind her while making a weird, smiley duck/kissy face. We don't know where she got it, but she does it just to get a laugh.
I always want to make each post stick to one topic, which leads to a lot of half-written, never published posts. Things I'd like to talk about: the increase in familial obligations when you find other donor sibling families and donor's family, what obligation (if any) do we have to introduce the girls to their Jewish heritage (we were both raised Christian, but donor was Jewish. Many of our friends and some family are, and we've always been interested in Judaism anyway) and to what extent should we do it, looking toward my trying to conceive baby #3 at the end of the year and whether that makes us bat-sh*t crazy, our prospective move. Comments, questions for me if there's anyone out there reading?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Take them off the couch and you get back-arching and crying and vibrating with frustration (Ellie mostly). If they're in the right mood, that turns into a really not-fun round-robin of Take Mama's Glasses Off Her Face, followed by Stand on the Toy Piano, and then Pull the Plastic Fence Down. Seriously, in the right mood, they'll do one after the other after the other. In the bedroom, it's Open the Dresser Drawers, Pull the Curtains, Touch the Hot Radiator, and Play with the Humidifier. Keep them from one thing and then they immediately do all the other things they're not supposed to do.
We don't want to yell. Our Ladies of the One-Track Mind are only momentarily slowed if you remove them from the situation (not much room in our apartment to remove them anyway). We're at a loss. They'll grow out of the toddler phase just in time for baby #3, I'm sure.