Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Poor Ruby was still asleep when I went in to check on them. She lifted her head and sat up, but she laid right down and went back to sleep! Normally, if one of them is up and you go in to get the awake one, the one who's asleep wakes up instantly. So the poor girl must've been tired. I would be too if I had to hear that complaining when I was trying to sleep!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
We've set up one of those Super Play Yards with a cushy alphabet mat at the end of the living room. It makes us doubly sad to see both of them standing, crying and pulling at the fence when we leave them to go get something in the other room. We are doing our best to rectify our rugless situation so that we can free them from their baby prison and explore the house. Our floors are parquet over cement (ie face-breaking-hard) so there is no way we can let them roam before rugs happen.
Seriously, being a parent to twins is so hard. Being a parent to twins without a car, dishwasher, or washer/dryer is f*cking impossible. Well, not impossible, since we seem to be doing it, but WAH!!
To keep the kitchen clean, one needs to wash dishes, dishes, dishes. Of course, we can't wash the dishes when the girls are awake (I like to spend time with daughters every day, funny, and with my hour commute, I don't get much awake time). We can't do them right after they go to sleep, because with their room right off the kitchen and that weird service window between the rooms (we think their room used to be the dining room), they wake up. So if dishes get done, they have to be done at 9 or 10 when they're asleep enough that they don't stir. We are planning to switch rooms with them so they won't be disturbed (unless it's by our neighbor with the recording studio who forgets what time it is- that's another story), but that requires painting their room, moving furniture, cleaning, etc. with babies who refuse to be separated from us. And then there's the laundry, which Zazie can't do during the day because of their nap schedule (and keeping them in the stroller for too long), so it can only be done at night or on the weekends. Or the grocery and necessity shopping that can be done either by me on my way home from work or on the weekend with both of us, during the time that we should be cleaning or cooking or doing laundry or hanging out with our children and each other!
Oh, wait, when did this become the whining hour?
Seriously, I have had it with New York. I've had it with renting. I've had it with not having a car. I've had it with not having a washer dryer. Problem is, on one income, how does a family leave this place? Or are we stuck in this circle of hell for all eternity?
(My opinions are not necessarily shared by Zazie. Just want to put that out there.)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
-One woman in the group apparently contacted the donor and met him IRL not too long ago. This woman then posted a picture with her kid and donor on her F.B page, but refused to share the story with someone who asked about it because the meeting was "private between her kid, her and the donor". When Zazie friended her on F.B, this mom told Zazie in no certain terms that she didn't want any questions asked about her "relationship" with the donor, though Z had asked her nothing.
-Another woman is heartbroken that the above woman "broke the rules" and met the donor.
-One woman's (same-sex) partner is absolutely against her co-mom having anything to do with our group, but has acquiesced to the G.Group so co-mom can get info on the other kids. This co-mom has initiated FB 'friendships' but hides most of her personal info from us.
- Zazie and another mom have become fast friends and have started IM'ing each other nearly every night. Zazie and I have had other very nice IMs with a couple other moms.
Zazie suggested a "get-together" sometime next year for everyone and the group, normally quiet, has EXPLODED with emails.
Some said they wouldn't be joining in the get-together at all, due to concerns about their childrens' privacy. I have been turning this over and over in my mind, trying to figure out the reasoning. These moms have initiated contact with the rest of us, but they're worried that somehow their kids won't want that contact when they get older & the kids will be upset that their parents shared details about them. Supposedly, they've joined the group to "leave the door open" for the kids to make the choice themselves later. In my mind, Ruby and Ellie are more likely to be pissed at us later if we were aware of a group of parents of half-sibs, but we refused to take part, and thus, deprived them of having a long relationship with their half-sibs. Our family is Mama, Mommy, Ruby & Ellie (and hopefully baby #3 in a few years). I don't see how having a friendly relationship with these other parents threatens our family unit. Can anyone explain to me? I'd ask the G.group folks, but I can't figure out a way to ask without putting these moms on the defensive.
Others are saying that they want to take part in the get-together, but only if we can refer to the kids as "friends" (not half-sibs). First, I don't see why these kids (the oldest is about 6 years old) would even ask how we all know each other. Couldn't you just say these are Mark, Sally, Bernice, etc.? Second, if Zazie and my policy is honesty with our girls, that means we tell them that these kids are their half-sibs. Why should I have to worry about my kid "outing" their relationship to another kid whose parents aren't going to tell them the truth?
Opinions? Guidance? This is such a weird situation. We're dealing with total strangers whose kids have an intimate connection to our kids. Brave new world!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A nearby nabe used to be known as the heart of lesbian NYC. That is, until it got nice and then expensive. Then most of the lesbians left for greener (ie cheaper) pastures.
On the neighborhood queer listserv, someone asked where all the gays go when they can't afford P-Slop. Lots of folks chimed in about the neighborhoods they've moved to... "we like it, more space, decent schools, blahblahblah..." After lots of discussion about other neighborhoods, a woman wrote in to say, "...can't help but continue to feel slightly abandoned! now that we could finally afford to move back to the slope, sounds like the mass exodus continues. this has been our experience with many queer friends too . anybody left out there?"
Ugh. Seriously. Cry me a river and then shut your mouth. In a discussion where people are saying they can't afford the "good" neighborhood, you're boohooing about how you CAN afford it? Really?
Ruby has been intermittently crawling since the trip. Ellie learned a new trick too. You know when you say "Ahhhh" and put your hand up to your mouth and it sounds like "Awh Awh Awh"? (Does that make any sense?) It's super cute because she does it with the back of her hand.
Now, when Ruby wakes up in the middle of the night (last night, it happened several times), we'll go to her crib and she'll be sitting up with her eyes closed, crying. It's the most pathetic thing. Is that just what babies who've learned to sit up well do? I usually will lay her back down, but it seems mean to make her do that.
We also had our first "What the...?" in the middle of the night. Ruby was screaming (pretty sure those top teeth are coming in), I went in, laid her back down and tried to put her pacifier in her mouth. She batted the paci away, so I got her a bottle (middle of the night feeding.. yes, that's probably wrong somehow). When I took her out of her crib, the middle of her back was wet. The diaper had leaked, but it wasn't even that full, really. Super weird.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I've been so busy running my mouth about other stuff that I didn't mention that Ruby has TWO teeth and El has another on the way. Also, I swear they've been trying to kiss us lately ... they put their little open mouths right up to your cheek. I didn't truly believe that's what they were doing until the BabyCenter email told me so this morning. :)
Now we're talking about our kids food allergies. That's some pretty helpful stuff... having moms out there raising kids who share half your kids' genetic material and can possibly shed light on food or health issues. Most of the half-sibs are at least a year or two older and have a head start on eating solids, so their moms have a ton of info. How cool is that?
Donor's mom has been contributing to the listserv and responding to emails. Zazie asked if at some point, she might share some baby pictures with us... we do have a photo span to adulthood, but it doesn't start until the donor was around 3 or so. She responded that it was too painful right now, but that she would try to get something together soon. Zazie was quick to respond & let her know that she shouldn't worry about us right now, that she should do only as much as she was able to. The family was supportive of their son's decision, they knew about the kids, but I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be to get emails day after day with pictures of strangers' kids that look SO much like your son or the rest of your family.
Here's a question that we've been discussing with one of the other moms. There is an online condolence book for the donor available through the local newspaper. It will be coming down in one week. Do we download a copy of it for the girls to have later? Part of me wants them to have all information available to them, should they want it later. The other part of me thinks that what we have already, and what we'll have from his family in the future (hopefully), should be enough and that downloading a record of condolences from strangers to his family is unnecessary, morbid, and somehow intrusive.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I lost it and started screaming at the driver. As she passed (with earphone dangling, by the way), I said something like "watch your f*cking car". She said something along the lines of "get out of the way," I said "I'm a f*cking pedestrian and I have the right of way." Her response was "Nice language to teach your f*cking kids." A few more words were exchanged (I can't remember exactly what). As we were walking away, I turned around & made a motion like I was blowing a kiss to her. She yelled after us something like, "look at those fat @sses, those f*cking tubs of lard." I couldn't help myself... I slapped my ass and yelled at her to "kiss it."
We, of course, were really shaken and angry when we got home. That driver was definitely in the wrong. She should've at least slowed down. She was a jerk, but she what she said about teaching our kids is sticking with me.
What will it teach them that I cursed out this stranger? I don't have a problem with the language I used... I curse often and though I'm trying to curb myself (a. I don't want the girls to do it and b. it isn't particularly creative), if there was ever an "appropriate" time to curse, that was it.
I guess if she'd shown some remorse, or it hadn't been the second time someone had nearly run over my family in nearly the same spot, maybe I wouldn't have gone to the lengths I did. I acted the way I did because I was scared and feeling powerless, but what good did expressing my anger do? I could've the crap out of the girls (Ruby, who I was holding, didn't seem phased), the woman could've had a knife (I don't know, it's possible), etc. Better to just say "Watch it" and keep walking, no matter what that b*tch said back to us?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
This is all because some parents choose not to vaccinate. I'm all for reading the D.r. Se.ars Vaccination Book. We did, and we're following the delayed schedule, but jesus christ on a stick. I wish people would vaccinate their kids. If you don't vaccinate, you are relying on all those folks out there that DO vaccinate to keep you & your kids safe. That doesn't seem fair, that you rely on other people's kids to shoulder the burden for you.
I now have to worry about my infants getting a potentially dangerous illness that no one gets anymore because of someone living 200 miles away who came into contact with someone who came into contact with someone who came in contact with someone I know. That doesn't seem right.
If I had contact information, I added someone to the group. I also messaged everyone on DSR asking if they wanted to be added. I even contacted someone from the donor's condolence website whose message hinted she was a parent.
Somehow, some way, the donor's mother is now a member of the listserv. This morning, she sent us all a message talking about her son. Wow. An excerpt: ... knowing that all of you strong and amazing women and your beautiful children are here is more of a blessing than I can express.
What a lady. Seriously. We will definitely be writing to her, now to figure out what to say.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I spent time this morning reading the donor's obituary and some of the newspaper articles about him. So many people in his community knew and counted on him. It is obvious from the articles and news stories that he was well-loved by everyone. We are told by the bank that he was so loved by the staff that they all attended his memorial service. His generous gifts of life to strangers were even mentioned at the service.
When we chose our donor, we sought an open donor. We didn't want a known donor because we didn't want possible legal confusion or to add another person to our family, but we did want the girls to have the ability to seek him out for questions if they chose when they were eighteen. With the information we had about him, we were fairly certain that if/when the girls sought him out, he would not regret his decision to be an open donor & refuse contact. Now they'll never get the opportunity. We mourn for our girls. The bank staff think that in time, his parents may be open to contact, which will be nice, but obviously won't be the same.
There will be a memorial ride for road safety in his name soon & we plan to donate to it. I have been racking my brain to think of a way to commemorate the absolutely huge gift this man gave to us. We are so grateful to him for helping us create our family. I'll just say a prayer for now.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
We've decided to do the baby-led weaning thing. My cousin and his wife used this method with their daughter and they lent us their book. I've read the book and Zazie is starting to read it. I like the idea of the girls getting to choose which things they're most interested in. As a babyled weaning blog says, "
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The problem is that Zazie and I, on the best of days, are not the neatest people. Everything is fairly clean underneath, but we are messy. Our messiness is compounded by our laziness. None of our friends would say that we are messy, however, because no one is allowed in our apartment if it isn't clean.
We moved about a month before the girls were born. We got many of the boxes unpacked, but not all of them, so there are random boxes everywhere. Add to that baby gear that we either couldn't figure out how to say no to (baby jail [oops, sorry, pack and play], glider, baby car) or don't need anymore (swing, co-sleeper [we have two of these. Thought we'd use them, but didn't]. Oh and those clothes been meaning to give away. We DID get rid of a ton of books and give back some baby stuff.
Now we've decided that it would be best to switch rooms with the girls to give them our room. Our room is twice the size of theirs and much, much quieter. We think their room must've originally been the dining room, since it has a service window to the kitchen and it's right off the living room. That means MORE freakin' mess as we move everyone's stuff.
Laundry and dishes have been done on a triage basis since the girls were born. Meaning, the girls will always have clean clothes and bottles. Us? Not so much. Zazie's taking care of them all day, which doesn't leave a ton of time for anything else- and who wants to drag two kids, laundry bags, and a stroller to the laundry room anyway? Who can run the vacuum when girls are asleep? As for me, I get home from work, play with the girls, get them ready for bed, and then I'm ready to rest, not do laundry or clean the kitchen. And besides, doing dishes would just wake them up anyway (see: room switching).
We live in an apartment that looks like it got hit by a tornado. One day I will be neat and tidy AND clean again, but that day may be a ways off. My kingdom for a dishwasher and a washer/dryer!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
If you are not practicing a religion, do you celebrate Christmas or Easter? Zazie really wants to do Easter baskets for the girls. I feel a little oogie about it- for my family, Easter wasn't about Easter baskets (though we got them, of course), it was about going to church and celebrating Jesus ascending. The whole idea of Jesus (put on earth to die for our sins, eating [symbolic or real, depending on which church] his body and blood) are what make me shy away from Christianity in the first place.
If Easter doesn't have a religious meaning for you, should you celebrate it at all? I know some of the traditions we think of belonging to Easter actually come from Pagan celebrations, which is great, but if that's the point, shouldn't we celebrate the Spring equinox instead? Do we as a family really need another holiday focused on what you get (presents at Christmas, candy at Easter) and not tied to anything in particular?
We decided that they'll get small Easter baskets and we'll do something outdoors to celebrate Spring. This year, they're each getting the heuristic play baskets we've been making (they're looking GOOD!), a few books that I loved as a kid, and candy. The candy will be eaten by Mama and Mommy, of course.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Or should I say, Ruby's been having fun with the obnoxious lights and plastic buttons. From her loud screeching and squealing, I'd say that Ellie most enjoys playing with the round holes where the toys we can't find should go.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
She was with us from very beginning of our relationship- Zazie & I picked her out at the shelter in Tallahassee 14 years ago. She made sure that she was seen- she meowed and meowed and meowed and threw herself against the bars until she was noticed. She must've had quite a life before we found her, because her tail was crooked, an eye tooth was broken, and her ears were scarred.
She was our creamsicle cat, an orange tabby with white gloves and face and a Cindy Crawford orange "mole." She never bit, never scratched. She loved to lick you, though. Fingers, face, didn't matter... especially when she wanted you to get up in the morning to feed her. She'd come running if you called her or beckoned with your hand. If you were sad, she knew it & made sure she was around for hugs. She had an endearing way of putting her front paw on you as if to say, "hey, I'm right here." She always wanted chin scratches, and sometimes, she'd roll over and let me rub her belly.
I don't know if there are enough words to tell you how awesome our sweet Idgeleh-pidgeleh was. What I can tell you is that she is so missed. We love you, sweet cat.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Until a few weeks ago. Two 1-month old babies is one thing, two 5 1/2 month olds is another. Those girls are like an additional adult right in the middle of our in our queen-size bed. An adult who sprawls out in all directions and cries when her paci falls out. I still can't walk due to pain in my hips from sleeping only on my right side at the edge of the mattress to give them room (well, that & the lack of exercise lately, but Spring is coming and SAD can just get the f* outta here). I love snuggling with those girls, but I just can't see getting a king-size mattress to continue doing so.
We started by putting them down in their cribs for naps. Now we're working on a whole bedtime routine- bath (every couple of days, a bath every night seems excessive when they're not doing much), classical music, stories (right now I Live In Music and Goodnight Moon), sleep sack, bottle, cradling, crib.
The first few days, we did the first half of the night in cribs and once they woke up for the next bottle, they came to bed with us. The last 2 nights it's been crib, feeding, then back to crib and wow! How nice to have a whole quiet evening & the whole bed to ourselves. I miss snuggling with them, but I also like snuggling with Zazie, who I feel like I haven't seen in a year (what with the pregnancy and then life with twins).
On a side note, I'd been trying to keep this baby-related, but I don't know, maybe I should start adding other stuff. I might even post more often if I post whatever. My old blog, zeebah.tronic, is now defunct (I'd done it since 2002!) - I've even cancelled my host account.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Eleanor (l.), Ruby (r.)
My sweet girls are five months old. They both roll over. They love to stand up with help. They can both roll over, back-to-front and front-to-back. They've recently started to turn their heads to look at us when we talk to them. I find it hard to leave for work in the morning- I get too caught up kissing their faces and hands and watching their sweet smiles.
Zazie and I decided that we would choose what we'd be called and I got first dibs. I chose Mama partially because it seemed more Southern (a girl has to do something up here in this Yankee wilderness, I suppose), despite calling my own mother "Mommy" growing up.
Now I sometimes slip & call myself Mommy because that's the word I naturally associate with the idea of mother. How awkward that I don't even know my own name! In retrospect I have to wonder, did I choose Mama because I was insecure about my role in our family? Now that they have been here five whole months, I feel much more certain of my place. My girls are definitely my daughters and I feel it in my bones.
What do you call yourself?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Zazie went back to work the week of Christmas. We knew when she went back that it wouldn't be for long, only long enough to have it seem legit that she's discovered that being back at work was "too much" -- not that having maternity leave covered and then quitting to stay home was always our plan. In an ideal world, Zazie could work from home part-time, but this particular company wasn't ok with that. Full-time childcare for two kids, in home or out, is a financial impossibility for us. Going down to one income seems pretty frickin' impossible too but we'd rather do that than scrimp and save so someone else can take care of our children.
She went back to work, I stayed home with the ladies during Christmas and New Year weeks, then my mom came from Texas to take over day time childcare for two weeks. Tomorrow is Zazie's last day of work. We are excited for her to be home, but fearing for our finances. Buckling down is a must... we have always played fast and loose with our financial planning but those days have to go.
Between the bottle washing, and the milk-making, and the bottle filling, and the dinner making and the dish washing and the laundry doing and the BABY LOVING, it's hard to find time to do all the other necessary tasks like finishing the second-parent adoption paperwork, submitting our FSA paperwork so we can get reimbursed for all our medical fees, creating a new budget for our new finances, sending out the thank you notes for the baby shower our friends threw for us IN AUGUST.
Lordy. At least the girls are cute and sweet and growing so fast! Ruby rolled over the other day- we didn't see it, but my mom did. And both of them are pulling themselves forward on their playmat. I took a very sweet picture of them sleeping side-by-side, Ruby has her arm tucked into El's... of COURSE I intended to upload pictures today, but sleep deprivation makes it difficult to get out of bed, and thus I ran out of time before I had to leave for work. Tomorrow!