Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Your daily update

Beta yesterday was 198. The nurse said that was excellent, and who am I to question? I'll go in tomorrow for another test.

So I need to ask the wisdom of the internets about something. El has always, always loved to carry things around in her hands... anything in a package, her toy ice cream cone, etc. Lately, things have become a little coo-coo. When we go shopping at Tar.jay, we've gotten in the habit of getting them something from the $1 section at the front of the store. First thing El says is "Pick a toy?" when we get there. She's gotten a few of those gross rubber toys with the floppy spikes on them (not my best description, hope you get what I'm talking about). These guys (Froggy and Green Guy) are not allowed to leave her sight, she's always holding one in her hand. She plays with them, she takes them out of the house with her, she bathes with them. We always make her put her toys down while she eats. She usually doesn't like it, but she'll put them down without too much complaint. Except for these damn green toys. She cried and yelled for at least a half an hour at dinner. Once she gets to screaming like that, she pushes her plate/cup away and there's really no consoling if she remembers that Green Guy is anywhere in the vicinity. Last night after her flip out, we let her take Green Guy to bed with her though it has these obnoxious lights inside that light when you touch it. Once she was asleep, we snuck in and took it out of her crib because we didn't want it to wake her up. Guess who she remembered immediately on waking this morning? Yeah. What the heck? Any advice or kind reassurance that this stage won't last forever?

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

That was pretty gross?

Was it gross that I posted the entire test in my last post? Should I have included just the "Yay! Two lines!" part of the test? Sorry, guys.

Official blood test this morning. I assume my numbers will be good. Of course, I am a half-empty glass kind of girl so I will probably not let myself believe that everything is going well until the baby is on the outside.

Guess I need to figure out a doctor soon. A few good friends of ours have given birth with the midwifery practice at a hospital and they really liked it but it's in Union Square and I work much further downtown. There's another practice a little closer to work in Soho that has a lab and all ultrasound stuff onsite that also has a midwife, but they deliver at a hospital where my friend had a pretty traumatic birth. Or someplace else? Geez. I haven't decided 100% whether I'll go drug-free, but I'm leaning that direction.

Monday, February 27, 2012


It worked!

Still waiting.

I could've tested yesterday, but it was my birthday (and my parents are here), so I decided to skip it. Today, parents were here. I will test tomorrow, right before I go to the doctor for the blood test. I haven't had my period yet, so that's got to be a good sign. This could be really exciting or it could really suck. We shall see.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Insurance company gives me a heart attack.

I am still shaking.

I went online to check how much money I had in my FSA. Medical had put a $11000 charge in for all my meds. All my money was gone and apparently, I owed $8000. I was told when I placed the order that everything would be covered except shipping. But then you start second-guessing yourself- maybe I heard what I wanted to hear?

Why you tryin to give me a heart attack, insurance company?

I called them. I gave my story to five different dumb @ssholes. All of them passed the buck and I had to give my story to someone new. By the time I got to rep #6, I explained the story to her and then I said "Look, I've explained this a bunch of times and I'm beginning to lose my patience." Thankfully, she said it was obvious it should've been covered 100%, she put it back to be reprocessed, I should have the money back in a couple weeks.

Whew. I am still shaky.

I just don't freakin' know.

How do I feel? Exhausted, weird, twingy, crampy. All the things that might be signs I'm preggo or might be signs that I've been faithfully doing my proges.terone like I'm supposed to. I feel like I might be, but again, all of my symptoms can pretty much be chalked up to the drugs they've got me on. I do feel different though.

In a moment of perfect timing (not), my parents are coming to visit this weekend. My dad has come to visit once the entire time we've been in NYC (nearly 13 years). My parents are unaware that anything's been happening- we told them when we were trying for the girls, but this time, my lip is zipped. Time to hide the meds and the prenatal vitamins! I'm a little anxious about their visit... will they want to die cooped up in our apartment all weekend? (my dad has declared he won't be walking) Will they think the girls are terribly misbehaved? (Probably- they were pretty strict with my sister and I) I guess it'll be a distraction, at the very least, right?

It's also my birthday Sunday (37! What?! Anyone want to take a few of these years, I swear I can't be this old!). My mom has promised that they'll watch the girls Saturday night so we can go out. That'll be good. We haven't had a date in months. Sadly, even the embryo transfer felt like a date because we had some time alone, it's been so long.

Blood test is next Tuesday. Zazie doesn't think we should test before then. I guess I'm going to go along with it. No point in getting upset until there's a reason.

Friday, February 17, 2012

What will I do with myself in the coming weeks?

Oh, man. It is going to be a long few weeks. I already feel different- slightly crampy, slightly twinge-y, just weird. I know that isn't even possible this soon, so whatever! I am going to chalk it up to just weirdness due to the *ahem* invasiveness of the procedure and the aftermath. I will ignore it! I am feeling things that obviously are in my imagination, since nothing is supposed to happen until 2-4 days after the transfer.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


So that went better than expected. After some harrowing minutes in traffic, we made it nearly on time. Both embryos made it to today. One had 8 cells, one 7. They put the 8 in. They asked if we wanted to let the other go to day 5 for freezing... We hadn't even signed the consent form for cryo, since in our consultation they didn't even think it was a possibility! We're letting it go for now, but of course, we can't afford the storage. Oh well. Point is that the matter-of-fact German doctor said we have a good chance! Whee! Stick, little dude, stick!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Normally, this would make me puke...

... but today, it made me a little teary.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy valentine's day!

I suck at holidays. And birthdays. I either forget or I come up with something pretty unmeaningful (yeah, it's not a word). Forget Valentine's, I even stink at celebrating Christmas. Poor Zazie. This year, inspired by K's post about her tradition with her dad, I got the girls balloons (I'll save the flowers for later). I still don't have anything for Zazie. Crappy drugstore valentine's cards or chocolate don't reflect how I feel at all, and it's too late to make something, so hmmm.

Every year, Zazie's done a special Valentine's Day picture with the girls. This year, she tried to get them to say Happy Valentine's Day on video. First, they said "Happy birthday!" Then they said "Happy New Year's!" She was finally able to get them close... they said "Happy balance beam!" Well, okay, then, girls. You could be cuter but I'm not sure how that's possible.

Oh, wait. How about the weird game where they turn their mini Swedish retailer chairs (rhymes with Schmikea) over on their sides, stand between the legs and the seat and "make D!et C0ke." We don't drink a ton of it, we certainly don't make it. This morning, I even got to try a sip.

Yesterday, I was also requested to play music on the raccoon while Ru played music on her "magic" (a bubble wand).

They're either making you crazy or making you want to die of cuteness.

The results are in.

Just as I hit publish, I got a phone call.

Well, *deep breath* three retrieved, two fertilized. There may have been some other information, like quality, but honestly, the nurse that called has a really thick accent and I couldn't f*cking understand her. Knowing about quality doesn't matter too much, I suppose, since it's going to work or not regardless.

I was saying I just needed one, yes? Okay. Motherf*cker.


The hours tick on and I'm still waiting to hear from the RE's office about how many eggs were retreived and how many fertilized from the retrieval yesterday. Butterflies!

IVF is hopefully going to give us what we want, but I have to say that it is quite traumatizing for me, too. As someone with few health problems, I haven't had to have many surgeries in my life. All of these needles and bruises, going under anesthesia yesterday, it's a lot to take. It's pretty scary to go into a room and lay on a table with your legs up in the air/strapped down and then get put under, knowing they'll be digging around in your lady bits. I had no problems with the anesthesia, minimal cramping... I felt pretty sleepy yesterday, but I took a nap in the afternoon and felt fine after.

I G0.0gled around looking for information on when implantation might happen so I'd be able to time my acupuncture appointments. From what I've read you should have acupuncture immediately before and immediately after transfer.  I would love to go day of, but my acupuncture place doesn't have anyone working Thursday. I don't really feel like going somewhere else and having another intake interview just to go there once, so I guess I'll go tomorrow and Friday when my place is open. And then again, whenever implantation is supposed to happen. Unfortunately, it seems like everyone has a different answer on implantation timing. I am going to stop G.00gling now because I was going to a worry place (ie I read something about day 3 transfers and how you can't tell which embryos might be successful at that point). I am trying not to worry this week!

Something else I read in my web travels suggested that you watch only happy movies and listen to happy music. Another board recommended having Chinese food on the day of the transfer, but the Chinese in our neighborhood stinks, so we're going to do Thai. I hope this RE phone call doesn't f- that up. Whatever, I'm just going to be positive and give it up to the universe! 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The glass struggles to be half-full

I thought last night's shots were the last, but no, after the doctor appt today, she advised one more set this morning before the trigger shot this evening. I feel like a pincushion after two weeks of two shots a day, plus blood tests every other day, plus acupuncture. I am trying not to be down, but damn. Four follicles, two of them on the small side. I know what my chances are (10-20%), and at first, I felt confident that I'd be lucky. But after all the shots and ultrasounds and only ending up with four, I'm preparing myself that it probably isn't going to work. It isn't fair.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I just need one good one, I just need one good one, I just need one good one

Iffy news at the doc. Only 4 kept growing. Damn my low follicular reserve. Retrieval's Monday, I assume transfer is Thursday since most likely they'll do a day 3 transfer. We're only putting in one, so I only need one good one. I am trying to stay glass half full, which goes completely against my nature, and not go to the what if place. What if only one fertilizes and that one craps out? I hope that my good luck in life thus far holds out, not that this is a matter of luck. So meh.

On another note, this no caffeine, no booze thing sucks. All I wanted after the sh*tty appointment Tuesday was a friggin' cup of coffee. I decided to drop even decaf (except in special circumstances) when I felt super-crazy after a couple cups of it. I think that the super-crazy's probably from my nerves about this whole process, but you can never tell and better safe than sorry.  I've been drinking Celestial's Roastaroma. It smells nearly like coffee, and doesn't taste too bad either. Speaking of tea,  every blend of that Yog.i tea I try has something in it that trips my gag reflex... I think Y.ogi tea and I will just have to agree to disagree.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

That part's done

We went and signed the dumb form today. Yesterday when I called the doctor's office to schedule a time, they told me that they didn't encourage people to bring kids. Too bad for them, then, because we really didn't have a choice. We took them in their strollers, they instantly took us to a room to wait, and we were in and out quickly. Total time from parking our car at the garage and including the time it took us to buy a bagel and eat it? 45 minutes. Right on.

Acquaintances of ours whose daughter is a few months younger than the girls just announced that the other mom is pregnant. Why does that give me a pang? We are trying to get pregnant right now (hopefully, successfully), so why the twinge?!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


So our stupid bank sent s!per.m to Zazie's attention instead of mine, even though my name is on the account and I'm the one who called and ordered it. Der.

This morning, when I went in for monitoring, I tried to straighten it out. First, they had me meet with a social worker who told me that I had to get Zazie to come in to the office to sign. I explain our situation (Brooklyn, twins, etc.), she seems to say that I can sign papers by myself, I wait another 10 minutes for the coordinator to come in. She walks in to my waiting room like no one had filled her in and asks the same questions. Except she's refusing to let me switch the vials to my name without Zazie's sig. I explain that the bank screwed up, the account's in my name, babysitting/parking fees/time off work to come in- doesn't matter. The coordinator suggests that I could have the bank send a tank, they'll send the vials back, and then they could reship it under my name. That was such an absurd suggestion.

Oh, man. I completely lost my cool with her and with the social worker, and then went out on the street and bawled like a baby on the phone to Zazie. It really isn't a huge deal, I know they were just doing their jobs, but what the hell? Whatever, the girls are going to get a trip to the city tomorrow morning before I have to go to work, I guess.

I should've known I was going to have a bad day- a fire-and-brimstone old lady preacher got on our car and was loudly preaching and walking back and forth. I tried to get away from her and she kept finding her way back near me. I actually said something like "Please lady, it's too early in the morning for that" (Seriously, 6:30 is a b*tch) as I tried to get away from her. I had to switch cars to get away from her!

Oh, and I now have 5 or 6 follicles!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Not positive, not exactly negative either

I went to the RE this morning. After five days of meds, I have 3 follicles at 11, and 3 that are "too small to know how they'll turn out." I think I heard the doctor say one of those too small ones was at 10. This office requires you to have at least 3 follicles to continue your IVF cycle, so that part's good news. I figure there's not that much difference between 10 and 11, so there's hope for that one (let's not discuss the actual numeric comparison, ie if you're talking about mm, the difference between 10 and 11 is sizable). I'm going to eat lots of protein this week. I don't know if that'll help, but I'm going to imagine that it will, since friends of ours (Hi S.!) told us that her acupuncturist recommended lots of meat and full-fat dairy.

I'll be eating a burger with avocado and following that up with peanut butter ice cream. Doctor's orders. If not now, when? Right?

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Figured it out!

The b00b thing? We let them watch that Babies documentary.... Lots of breastfeeding. We have our answer.

In other news, the girls gave their schepels (pacifiers) to their friend Baby Joe. First night went alright and everyone got some sleep. Whew. They've mentioned them a couple times today, but no screaming fits. This might turn out ok.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Cute things and one weird thing.

The girls have taken to saying "Best ever!" when they're having a good time doing something, like dancing during our nightly dance party. Ru's rules dictate that the dance party must begin with one song only: Mama Loocie. If you try to change the order of songs, she'll yell "dance party! dance party!" I guess dance party=Mama Loocie? After that, she requests "See you later all-gator". El is just happy to dance and jump and run around the room. And speaking of El, she's taken to saying "perfeck" (perfect) when she likes something.

Speaking of El, we were at the park last weekend when she heard a kid crying. She walked over, stood next to him and said "Sorry kid. Feel better?" It was very sweet.

Now onto the weird. They've both been getting crazy during song and story time before bed... talking loudly, jumping, laughing. They get so wound up. Zazie and Ru have a game where Ru pokes her and she makes noise, ie Ru touches Zazie's lips, she makes a raspberry. The newest addition is that Ru will poke your neck. I guess the first time she did it, Zazie made a sort of strangle-y noise. And now it's a game and all she wants to do is poke me in the neck while I'm trying to sing their bedtime songs. It is hiLARious. Last night, she grabbed my b.00bs and wobbled them around, saying "Where's the baby?" I, of course, told her those were my private body parts, but where did that even come from? What the hell?