Friday, April 15, 2011

Changing Perspective

Also, this: Grabbing our Way to Peace. I made the mistake of posting it on my F.b status yesterday. You should have read the outcry! My mother actually called me to beg me not to start trying to reason with the girls (Yes, serves me right, friending my mom). Honestly, unless you have experienced parenting two children exactly the same age, I'd rather not have your admonitions on this topic, thanks.

The girls are at the grab everything stage. One grabs something, the other cries, grabs it back, then that one drops it like she was never interested in the first place. We have been stepping in with "Ruby's playing with that", "give it back"- these are also the main "suggestions" I was given after posting this article (uh, duh, thanks for the obvious tips). However, now the girls are looking at us, expecting us to step in, which isn't how I want to continue- they should learn to negotiate and solve some stuff for themselves, no? So we're trying to dial down the intervention a little- it's hard to give them space when our living space is so small! :)

Mostly what I like in the article is the respect that is shown to the kids' perspective. I'm not really down with the level of negotiation that went on in the story that was told (our girls are 18 months like the kid in the story and that approach would be a waste of time), but I also like the idea of a kid being motivated to do the right thing on his own eventually because he wants to do the right thing, not because there are consequences or external forces that will make him do it if he doesn't (That was another suggestion from a family member- just tell them do it, and if you don't there are consequences).

I am trying to be a thoughtful parent. I want to have a good relationship with our girls. I don't have a good relationship with my parents and it kills me to think that I might end up in the same place with Ru and El, so I want to parent in a way that will foster a good relationship with them as they get older. I've been reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and finding some good insights.


  1. When our girls were that age we started playing a game we'll call the Thank You game for right now. Basically one would have a toy and I would be sitting on the floor. I'd put my hand out and say "Please?" And they'd hand it over and I would emphatically say "Thank you!" Then I'd hand it back and say "Thank you!" Over and over again. Soon they started doing it with each other. They still grab sometimes and they're 4-5 now, but mostly they say Please or Excuse me can I have That.

    Just an idea.

  2. It sounds like a great way to go.
    I think understanding. REALLY understanding the development of a child and what they are capeable of or more the point, what your kids are capeable of (and only you know this) emotionally, cognitively and physically is one of the most important thing when raising kids.

    It goes back to the saying, you can't put a big head on little shoulders.
    Kids don't have the brain capacity to make the kinds of decisions a lot of parents expect them to.

    Any ways. We try and follow the positive parenting teachings.
    When we're not screaming and crying and threatening of course. ha ha ha JK. kind of.