Honestly, seeing pictures and video of all these kids is mind-blowing. There's a half-sib out in California that blew us away when we watched a video last night- her mannerisms are totally our Ruby!! And yet, she has the same cheeks as Ellie. Some of the half-sibs resemble one girl or the other, some don't resemble our girls at all.
Now we're talking about our kids food allergies. That's some pretty helpful stuff... having moms out there raising kids who share half your kids' genetic material and can possibly shed light on food or health issues. Most of the half-sibs are at least a year or two older and have a head start on eating solids, so their moms have a ton of info. How cool is that?
Donor's mom has been contributing to the listserv and responding to emails. Zazie asked if at some point, she might share some baby pictures with us... we do have a photo span to adulthood, but it doesn't start until the donor was around 3 or so. She responded that it was too painful right now, but that she would try to get something together soon. Zazie was quick to respond & let her know that she shouldn't worry about us right now, that she should do only as much as she was able to. The family was supportive of their son's decision, they knew about the kids, but I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be to get emails day after day with pictures of strangers' kids that look SO much like your son or the rest of your family.
Here's a question that we've been discussing with one of the other moms. There is an online condolence book for the donor available through the local newspaper. It will be coming down in one week. Do we download a copy of it for the girls to have later? Part of me wants them to have all information available to them, should they want it later. The other part of me thinks that what we have already, and what we'll have from his family in the future (hopefully), should be enough and that downloading a record of condolences from strangers to his family is unnecessary, morbid, and somehow intrusive.
hell, yes. i say download a copy of it before it goes to internet oblivion. it's part of his history and for those girls to see how much he meant to others will be comforting.
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on the views you have about the "donor". I struggled with this for a looong time as well. (we don't have an open donor...and part of me wishes we did, but it wasn't an option for him)
ReplyDeleteDo you consider him to be a big part of your kids lives ? Do you want them to feel for him on a personal and emotional level ?
Can you just keep it all and reflect back on it as the questions come up one day ?
I enjoy so much the relationships that I have built with our 1/2 sibs (we've all met a couple of times)
but the donor isn't daddy. he's just a donor. and he doesn't have anything to do with raising our kids. I have paperwork that describes his personality. His voice telling a story on a CD. Things I can tell my kids or show my kids. but honestly, I hope they don't ask. I want them to know that they are in a two mom family. There isn't a dad. Just his sperm.
NOW. if I had access to the mother like you do....don't think I wouldn't be jumping all over the information like you are. Asking questions about his food preferences. When he walked, talked. Was he funny or serious. and pictures pictures pictures.
That said. Do what's best for your family. :)
you can always download it and stash it away. you don't have to make any decisions now, but once it's taken offline you may wish you had a copy. but is anything really gone once it's online?!
ReplyDeleteI say download it - you may never give it to them but at least it's an option!
ReplyDelete