I can't believe I'm admitting this.

A friend (not a close, see-them-all-the-time friend, more like a past shared-activity friend with mutual friends) has invited to her wedding reception/party, to be held on my birthday in our old (cool) neighborhood at a bar we used to love (and that her fiancee owns). I am excited about going, and also not at all excited, to the point that we have talked about possibly not attending. This is a 100+ people invited, Evite kinda party, so we won't exactly be missed.

I am honestly hesitant to attend for several reasons. You know that fat feeling? The one you get from eating and drinking the stress of fertility treatments/pregnancy, new family members, raising twins, sole breadwinner woes away? Except it's not just a fat feeling, I've really put on the pounds. The majority of my old clothes no longer fit, and the ones I do fit in I feel self-conciously porky in. I could go buy new clothes, but jeezy pete, the dress standard is so freakin' high- the people we know who will attend are some styley mofos. These are the girls we were je.erleaders with, the ones we dressed to the nines with and for. And it's in the neighborhood synonymous with "h.i.pster" BK style and the bride is a fashion designer. And we don't go out anymore and I have nothing interesting to talk about, unless you want to talk about the girls, Doctor.W.ho, or my latest dentist appointment. Oh, and I'm feeling really fecking old and tired these days.

But it'll be my birthday, and it's a party to celebrate really nice people, and maybe we'll go have brunch at one of our old haunts.

I just don't know. I guess I have a month to think about it. I'll definitely need to go shopping (and possibly starve myself. Joke! I'm not down with deprivation.)